The 5 Biggest Cinematic Let-Downs Of The Decade
We all know that bad movies are made from great concepts all the time, but what are the worst? And, more specifically, what are the worst of the decade? You’re about to find out! I’ve made a handy set of reviews, for your critiquing satisfaction.
Alright, so I wasn’t really expecting Epic Movie to actually be good, but a part of me still had hope. While it was the last in a long line of mostly bad movies, it was in a completely different genre than its predecessors, giving it an edge. But, true to its heritage, Epic Movie managed to be one of the worst movies I’ve ever seen.
Why? Well, the biggest reason I can think of (besides the utter lack of a sense of humor on the writers’ parts) were the numerous plot holes. Just because a movie is a comedy, that doesn’t mean it doesn’t need to make sense. In fact, the more closely a comedy resembles a “real” movie, the funnier it usually is.
So, either the writers of Epic Movie failed to understand that, or they just didn’t care about writing a decent movie. I’m guessing it’s the latter. They knew they would make money from it either way, so why put effort into making a decent movie? While I’m sitting complaining about their crappy movie, they’re probably off somewhere complaining about the color of the shutters on their mansions.
Although I was by no means a Matrix super-fan, I did enjoy the first movie. So, I was very disappointed with the two Matrix sequels, as I’m sure you were. These were movies I was actually expecting to be good. I know sequels are never (except in the case of Evil Dead) as good as the moves they succeed; but, I was expecting an exception from the Matrix.
Why were they bad? When compared to movies in general, they were only slightly sub-par. But, they are being compared to a great movie, not movies in general. Take The Lord Of The Rings series: the trilogy was great because all three movies were above average; but, what if the second two just didn’t cut it? It would ruin the entire series for you, just as Reloaded and Revolutions ruined the entire Matrix trilogy for me.
Yes, I know The Simpsons hasn’t been funny as a TV show for a long time, but I was still secretly hoping they were saving the best for last. Somewhere in the back of my mind I actually thought The Simpsons Movie would be funny. Boy was I wrong, I’m not sure if it could have been any worse.
What made it so bad? For one: the recycled clips. I know many saw it as a monument to past episodes, but I saw it as lazy. In an attempt to lower costs, and raise ratings, the writers simply stuck old clips from the show into the movie. For instance, the infamous “hammer scene,” where Homer hits himself in the eye with a hammer, is one of the first scenes in the movie. While it was a funny clip on the show, it’s not now, or at least not in the context it was used. It was out of place, and obviously put there to make people say “hey! I remember that from the show!”
For two: it just wasn’t a funny movie.
Okay, I know The Phantom Menace was released in ’99, but I had to include it with the others. The “new” Star Wars movies were a slap in the face to “original” Star Wars fans everywhere. It’s as if George Lucas just decided he wanted to make the most expensive waste of time in history - three times.
Nothing epitomizes the essence of Episodes 1, 2, and 3 better than the character Jar-Jar Binks. He’s supposed to be there for comic relief, but do we really need that kind of comic relief? In the original 3 Star Wars movies the banter between C-3PO and R2-D2 was the comic relief. The dry wit of C-3PO, with the backdrop of beeps coming from R2 was more than enough humor for the dark sci-fi fantasy saga known as Star Wars.
Add on top of Mr. Binks the overuse of CGI and green screens, and you’ve also got actors who, although normally decent, suck. Why? Because it is very difficult to act when all you have in front of you is a green wall, and a green cube on the floor. How is an actor supposed to have a two-way dialogue when they’re talking to a computer animated space creature, who wasn’t even added to the film for another year?
Never in my life have I been so distraught over a bad film. When I first found out that a Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy movie was coming out, I was beyond ecstatic. The dry British humor of Douglas Adams was finally going to make it into a film. But, yet again, Hollywood was able to take a perfect book, and make a bad movie out of it.
I understand it’s very difficult to recreate narration in a movie; and, considering the majority of the humor in Douglas Adams’s books was not part of the dialogue, but the narration, I can see how it would be difficult to translate the humor to film. But, that is no excuse for the calamity that the movie became.
In case you haven’t seen the movie, and are skeptical of its inadequacies, let me give you an example. The movie opens with a group of singing dolphins. Yep, that’s how the director decided to portray the “so long and thanks for all the fish” part of the book; it wasn’t even presented in a clever way, but rather in a way that made it obvious the director thought he was being clever.
If all movies were made by the people responsible for Shaun Of The Dead, and Hot Fuzz (Edgar Wright, Simon Pegg, and Nick Frost), then I’d be a happy man.
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