How To Build A Bonfire From Wet Wood
This weekend my friends and I decided to go down to the lake to build a bonfire. The problem was that it had been raining earlier in the day - very hard, so all the wood around the lake was wet. But, we managed to make a fire anyway. How? Read this tutorial, and you’ll find out.
Take any paper or other flammable trash you have laying around your house. When you get to your bonfire location, put all of this in a pile.
Now, put a pile of small sticks on top of your pile of trash. Try to arrange the sticks in a vaguely teepee-ish style.
You’ll now need to light the paper and trash that is underneath the pile of sticks. The idea here is that the trash is easy to burn, and will light quickly, burning long enough to ignite the small sticks. But, that doesn’t exactly work on wet wood, so you should now be watching the burning paper slowly die out, and proceed to do nothing else.
You should, at this point, be starting to get irritated. So, take your trusty Zippo (or Ronson if you’re poor) lighter fluid, and carefully spread a small amount on your pile of sticks.
You should get a nice burst of flame, which will quickly diminish into nothing. Failure again.
This time pour a generous amount of lighter fluid on the still-wet pile of sticks. Go ahead on completely soak it, just to be sure.
You should now get a very big fire. It will look very promising. But, it too will die in time. Damn, time to bring out the big guns.
Frustration will be setting in now, and pouring the rest of the lighter fluid will seem like a good idea. Squeeze every last drop out of the bottle, soaking every bit of wood.
This time you’ll get a huge fire, burning nice and hot. But wait - Damn! It also goes out in time.
Ok, now it’s time to go all out. Proceed to go to the closest gas station, and buy a 1 gallon gas can. Fill this to the brim with gasoline. Get as many large logs and sticks as you can find. Throw all the wood in as big of a pile as you can make. Pour the entire gallon of gasoline over the pile, light it, and quickly step back.
That’s it! You should now have a huge roaring fire. People will see the flames from miles around, and proceed to yell their satisfaction from their cars as they speed by. Give yourself a pat on the back, because now you’re a real man; with only a bottle of lighter fluid, and a copious amount of gasoline, you were able to start the most masculine fire in the history of masculine fires!
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