Demonstration of Why Diggers Are Dicks
You see what I did with the title there? Yeah, that’s alliteration. Sure, it sacrifices clarity in favor of auditory pleasure, but isn’t that what literature is all about? Anyway, on to the point: anyone who has spent any amount of time using the internet has realized three things. And, they are (in this order): the internet is evil, there is a lot of porn on the internet, and Digg users are assholes. What I want to talk to you about today is the third.
I want to point out the fact that none of this applies to me, as I only get stellar reviews. All of these are based off of the reviews Diggers have left about content created by others. Now that that’s out of the way, let’s get down to the facts.
Everything that is submitted (again, with the exception of my articles) to Digg will inevitably get bad reviews; and every single one of them will, without fail, be written by an expert of the subject.
You know how you wrote a nice article on the best Linux distributions? I guess Linus Torvalds was browsing Digg on his lunch break, just to set you straight.
How about that video you made of your band playing your newest masterpiece? Well, evidently Steven Tyler and Jimmy Page took a break from concerts, drinking, and hookers just to tell you how bad it was.
Oh, and who could that funny comic you made about obese kids? Obviously Dane Cook was going to take some time out of his day to tell you how funny it wasn’t.
It’s kind of like the half full/half empty glass deal, except Diggers always see it as half empty. They will nit-pick your work until there is nothing left but a sad, lonely, miserable husk. That typo you made on line 23? It will not be forgiven. You used the wrong tense of a verb on line 42? Better grab the dictionary and fix it quick. Oh, you’re telling me you thought it was “Colon Powell?” Then I hope for your sake people think it’s a joke.
Do you know how many links there are on Digg? Neither do I, but I’m pretty sure it’s a lot, and Diggers have to sift through all of them. They don’t have time to consider your point of view. They only have time to read it once quickly, in order to point out how poorly structured the format was. Oh, and then once again to point out all of the typos. That’s right, and again to find all of your logical fallacies.
I know, at this point hope seems dim, distant, and dubious. You see that? That was alliteration again. Twice in one article, I must be on a roll! But, seriously, right about now you probably want to kill yourself. Your intellect, creativity, skill, and sexuality have all been questioned, even outright denied, by evil Diggers. You’re probably considering quitting writing, making music, drawing cartoons, or whatever it is that you do.
But, I, for one, urge you to reconsider. You see, Diggers are fickle and insecure. In an effort to make themselves feel better about their own lack of creativity, they criticize the work of others. They scour the vast reaches of the internet, looking under every rock, behind every door, and inside every home in an endless search for content. And then, when they find it, they tear it apart. You are not unique in your failure to impress them, you are just another piece of meat to be devoured by the evil, sadistic, malevolent men (if they could even be called men) that are Diggers.
Ha! Now let's see if I can end my streak of perfect reviews.
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