The New Hero Line From ZGSC Interactive
So today, while I was going through my usual process of attempting to mooch off the success of others, I realized that the Guitar Hero series is just begging for knock offs. So, here is the entire new line of patented video games from Zero G Space Cow Interactive:
Comes with:
Real illegal .45!
Slapable “ho!”
2 gram crack rock!
Fill-in-the-blanks lyrics creator!
Ridin’ dirty has never been so easy! Now you can pop caps in the po-pos asses (using your included illegal .45, of course) from the safety of your own home! And after a hard night of writing lyrics with your fill-in-the-blanks lyrics creator, you’ll be able to sit back, smoke a gram or two of crack, and slap the bitch for not bringing your 40’ quick enough.
Comes with:
Power comb-over!
Beautiful trophy wife!
Superiority complex!
Personal body guard!
Is the life of an Average Joe getting you down? Do you lie in bed every night next to your homely wife crying yourself to sleep? Well, that can all be a thing of the past with the new CEO Hero! With your new found superiority, you won’t have any problem making your body guard beat off those beggars. And you’ll sleep fit as a king next to your dumber-than-rock (but hotter than hell) wife. Never has a comb-over looked so good!
Comes with:
Rusty pickup on cinder blocks!
Blow-up sister doll!
Real welfare application form!
Gingivitis!
If the fast-paced city life is making weary, then Hillbilly Hero will be right up your alley. Trade in your fancy-shmancy BMW for a classic pickup, pre-rusted with the wheels removed for easy storage on the included cinder blocks. And who better to sit in that pickup with than your very own blow-up sister? Comes complete with all the necessary orifices! Of course, the country life can get expensive, so don’t forget to file the included welfare application form, which will come in handy for those dentist bills after you’ve experienced the thrill of Gingivitis!
Comes with:
Real leather whip!
Sharpened handcuffs!
Steel cage without a key!
The Stanford Guide to Emasculation!
Have you spent your entire life letting men walk all over you? Does the mystery of a dominatrix appeal to you? Then slap on those pre-sharpened handcuffs (to increase the pain and obedience!), and crack that whip! And after reading and implementing the critically acclaimed Stanford Guide to Emasculation your chosen subject will be glad that cage doesn’t come with a key!
Comes with:
Impunity!
Hooker with pre-cocained ass!
Smile-inducing Botox!
Moral-ambiguity!
Living the life of social responsibility has never been so cool! With Politician Hero you’ll be snorting cocaine of the ass of a hooker with impunity in no time! And your followers will come running after seeing your intoxicating – and always present – smile, and hearing your promises of a perfect life for everyone.
Comes with:
AIDS!
Social oppression!
Suit by Hugo Boss!
Witty co-star!
Heterosexual life can often become dull and boring, so why not step into the (designer) shoes of a gay superstar with Homosexual Hero? Homosexual now comes with the previously out of stock AIDS! Soon you’ll be on your way to tasteful suits and the kind of social oppression that is only softened by the catchy jokes of your own witty co-star!
And coming soon from Zero G Space Cow Interactive:
Coal Miner Hero
Neurosurgeon Hero
And
Dog Fighter Hero
Want to call me homophobic, or anything else? Join the forum!