6 Steps To Preparing For The Coming Zombie Apocalypse

If Hollywood has taught me anything, it’s that zombies will overrun the planet; the only question is when. At some point the outbreak will start. It will start small, at the local morgue or hospital, but the infection will quickly spread. Soon after, there will be hordes of undead, scouring the planet, looking for only one thing, your brain. But, luckily, there are steps you can take to prepare for the inevitable.

1. You’ll want to move into an apartment and one that is at least one story above ground level, the higher the level, the better. Why? Because, when the hordes of undead swarm upon your home, it will be fairly difficult for them to come crashing through your windows when they can’t reach them. This will save you the time, effort, and materials needed to board up your windows, and doors.

2. You’ll need to buy some heavy furniture, like a large sofa, or hardwood bookcase. When you first hear of the outbreak, you’ll want to move these to block your front door. The ideal way to do this would be to brace the furniture between the door, and a wall that is directly opposite to the door. This will provide the support of not only the furniture, but the foundation of the building itself. This one simple step should provide all outer the defense you’ll need.

3. Buy lots of canned food that can be eaten without cooking, such as chili, some soups, and Spaghetti O’s. For every person living in the apartment, there should be 3 cans per day. You should be prepared to stay in the apartment for at least 2 months, so, for every person you’ll need roughly 180 cans.

4. You can expect your running water to stop working very quickly. So, make sure to purchase as many buckets as possible. Then, when the infection starts, immediately fill all your buckets, Tupperware, glasses, bowls, trash cans, bathtubs, and sinks with water. This should get you enough water to last those first two months.

5. When the water gets shut off, you’ll no longer be able to use the toilet. So, you’ll have use a bucket, or other container, in place of the toilet. This should be dumped out of an exterior window regularly.

6. No matter how much you try, at some point you will have to deal with a zombie face-to-face. It might happen if, after those first two months, the zombie threat has not been extinguished, and you need to go search for food, or, when you need to attempt a rescue of a loved one, or even a complete stranger. To deal with a zombie, you will need weapons. The ideal weapons to purchased are (one of each for everyone in your party): a standard 9mm semi-automatic handgun, this will be your backup weapon, and should not be used until absolutely necessary; a large caliber carbine, this should be used as your primary weapon, as it provides mid to long range accuracy, and unlike a fully automatic weapon, does not waste ammunition; and, last, a machete, the beauty of which is that a blade does not run out of ammo.

There you have it, follow those six simple steps and you’ll have the knowledge it takes to avoid a horrible, bloody, excruciatingly painful death. And, if your preparations fall apart, and you find that you, your friends, and your family are stuck running for your life, keep on thing in mind: You don’t have to run faster than the zombies, just faster then your friends and family.

 

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