Advantages Of A Zombie Armageddon
People these days only seem to focus on the negative aspects of life-changing events. For example, whenever the topic of a zombie armageddon comes up in a conversation, people only ever think about the cons, like the looming threat of death, the collapse of society, and the high probability of the internet ceasing to exist. But, I feel it’s time for a change. Like all aspects of life, we should view hostile zombie takeover as something positive; so, here are a few things to consider.
That’s right, when zombies are knocking at, or rather knocking down, your door, the last thing you’re going to be thinking about is getting to work on time. You will have the wonderful work-from-home job you’ve always wanted. Sure, this new employment opportunity may require working in hazardous conditions, but at least you’ll save money on gas. Also, take solace in the fact that your jerk of a boss will probably be dead.
Well, more accurately, there’s a good chance most of your enemies will be undead. Your neighbor who lets his dogs bark all night, the annoying guy in the office who insists on calling you “buddy,” and that clerk at the supermarket who takes way too long to scan your groceries – all will be dead. While death by zombie may seem a little harsh, it’s better them than you, right?
So, the wife won’t stop nagging, the baby won’t stop crying, and the cat won’t stop scratching your good recliner? Not to worry, there will be hundreds of zombies shuffling around right outside your window, who make perfect targets for stress-relief. You’ll be able to grab your favorite high-power rifle, and feel your frustration melt away as you pump round after round into unsuspecting walking-dead.
Tired of the guys at the coffee shop laughing at your pathetic attempts at rhyme and rhythm? Well, you’re in luck! After the apocalypse there will be thousands of willing listeners conveniently located throughout your neighborhood. Nothing will beat the joy you feel as you hear the moans of approval coming from your hordes of adoring fans.
Have you got financial problems? Do you often find yourself in bed, softly sobbing, as the images of late bills and negative balances dance menacingly across your vision? Do not fret! All of that will be a thing of the past after zombies have gained control of the world. You’ll be free to get that big house you’ve always wanted, and to fill it with the finest of furnishings. There will be nobody to stop your quest of pillage and plunder, and the world will be your personal shopping mall.
Hopefully this has convinced you that even the “worst” of events can be something positive, and uplifting. The next time you watch a zombie movie with your friends, and they’re all staring at the glowing screen with horror, you’ll be able to smile, just knowing that it’s not all bad.
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